Through Her Eyes
by alizep
Summary: A story of how they met and her feelings as seen through her eyes. Other side of Through His Eyes. One shot.


This is the other side to my fic "Through His Eyes". It could be either a prequel or a sequel, so read in any order.  
Please review. I enjoy the feedback.  
As always these characters don't belong to me.

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The moment I set my eyes upon him I thought this was the man I was to pursue. He was handsome and exciting, two things I desire most in a man. We flirted with each other and I believed that perhaps he was what I was waiting for. Then I met _him_ and it all changed. There were no fireworks as I always imagined, just the feeling of my heart beating strongly against my chest as we were introduced and our eyes met for that first time. His voice was deep and my name never sounded sweeter than when I heard it coming from his lips. So why then didn't he notice me?

I tried being subtle thinking that maybe he would prefer a more subdued woman – that did not work. Maybe his interests lie in more aggressive tactics, so I tried outwardly flirting with him, flashing him secret smiles and leaving lingering touches – that did not work either. What will it take to make him understand? Perhaps I can make him jealous – so that's what I proceeded to do. For each would be suitor I offered kind words to them and perhaps a light flirtatious stroke on their face, even though I had no interest. It was him that I wanted and it was him that I could not have.

At last I decided that I needed to take the straight forward approach. When I had him alone I asked him what he thought about our friends and their not so subtle affairs. My news seemed to surprise him on some levels, but met his expectations on others. Apparently he wasn't surprised about one couple in particular – not that any of us were. When asked about us, his reply was nothing short of my expectations – "it's a good thing that we can work so well together without such frivolous distractions". It was at that moment that I realized I would always be wanting.

We continued to work together without any 'distractions' and that was the extent of our relationship. The more I learned about him the more my desire grew until I felt as if I could want no more. Forced smiles become a daily ritual as well as turning down suitors. Out of loneliness I would let these men indulge in their fantasies and allow them the hope that they would hold my attention, but I grew bored of them all too soon without fail. As the days passed my hope began to fade and the mention of his name or even his mere presence in the room was enough to make my heart ache. Why doesn't he want me? Why am I not enough for him?

I see him from the corner of my eye standing in the room and I try not to stare at his profile. I wish she would stop talking so that I can approach him. So what if he teased her again? She must not mind it so much when they are notoriously known for sneaking off together to be "alone". I know what happens and I am jealous because it should be me that has this wonderful secret and this great love affair, but it is always wasted on those who don't truly appreciate it. For a moment I can imagine us, and it brings a small smile to my face. He would approach me slowly, pushing the hair from my face, placing soft kisses on my neck and whispering the most wonderful things in my ear.

This is nothing more than a passing dream. I stand to hug my dear friend and I whisper to her "you are fortunate that he loves you and that you will never be alone." Her eyes widen at my words and I think she understands now. She kisses my cheek and walks out of the room – no doubt on her way to either share this revelation or to remind him how blessed he is to have found her. Either way will end well for the two of them as they disappear into their own world once again.

I turn to leave the room and our eyes meet, again I am mesmerized by their silent depths. He smiles in acknowledgement and for a second I debate whether this is an invitation to approach him, or the act of a gentleman. We talk for a moment before I excuse myself, needing to escape before I start prattling on about nonsensical things in an effort to not blurt out my secret to him. He respects me as things stand now and I would not trade that for anything – other than the obvious. I would give anything for that one simple admission of love - an admission that is not so forth coming.

I don't know that I can continue to pretend anymore. He watches me from across the table and I attempt to listen attentively to his words, unfortunately most of them go unheard. The sound of his voice is hypnotic and again I am swept away, lost in my fantasies. Reach across this table and kiss me I start to think to myself. Why must you continue to reject me? And like that he stops, almost as if he's heard the sound of my heart breaking. The emotion in his eyes has changed and I'm not sure what he's thinking at this moment. Have I spoken aloud? I ask him if he is ok and without a second thought he continues the conversation, dismissing this intermission. Why can't he confide his thoughts to me? Perhaps he is having relationship problems? Could he have fallen for someone else? Why her and not me? Again, why can't I be enough for him? It's more than I can bear and it takes all of my effort to withhold my tears. Slowly I rise from the table and end our discussion. Maybe next time I will be stronger.

This walk does nothing to clear my head. How am I to concentrate on my other responsibilities when he is all consuming? His image haunts me as I know this will be the man that I can never have. In my mind I can reach out and touch him. Our eyes meet and I can see my reflection in them. He will smile at me and I will melt into his embrace, his strong arms encircling me. Sigh. Perhaps it is time to give up my hope and my fantasies. If I bury myself in something else than maybe my desire will fade in time.

Damn this Terran weather, I think as I look up to the clouds overhead. Rain is not an issue on my home, although it is almost soothing that it reflects how I feel, and for the first time I let my tears spill, indistinguishable from the rain falling on my cheeks. There is a sensation of relief at finally letting go of this feeling. I stare of the water's edge and take pleasure in the sight of the rain drops splashing on the surface, imagining how my tears must look falling against the ground. How long have I been standing here?

Something warm suddenly encompasses me and I whisper his name. My hands grab this material and I can smell his scent on it. I don't know what it is about him, but he has the most wonderful scent that I have never been able to place. I wonder how he has found me here and again I think that he must be able to read my thoughts. There would be no end to my embarrassment if he knew how deeply I felt for him knowing that it would never be returned.

Our eyes meet and I resist the urge to shiver at his touch as his hand comes to rest on my chin. Will he kiss me? His eyes are so intense, why is he out here with me? What does he want? Please – just one kiss. I blink. The kiss will never be coming. His skin is so warm and I miss the contact as I remove his hand from my face. Perhaps it's the warmth that forces me to not release his hand. Thoughts of intertwining our fingers invades my thoughts and I fight them away, self-conscious that I have gone so long without being able to find my voice.

'Is this a joke to you?' He must know, he must. Why is he here as if to comfort me if he doesn't mean it? Why won't he say something? Tell me you love me, tell me I'm being silly – just please end this silence! 'Why did you come here?' My heart starts beating against my chest and I need to know.

'I saw you standing in the rain and I wanted to know that you were ok.'

Were you concerned or curious about my nature? 'Is that all you wanted?'

'You looked cold standing here alone.'

Curious. Never concerned. 'I see. Then I shall go inside where it is dry.'

'Is it me that you are running from? Did I do something to upset you?'

How ironic he would ask me such a question, the thought bringing a small smile to my face. If only you knew. I would never run from you – always to you, if only you would have me. 'It was never you.'

'Then tell me who has made you so sad so that I can go deal with them.'

'You wouldn't understand.'

'I want to understand.'

'Do you feel no love for me?' Anything – please – something!

'In what sense?'

My heart almost stops at his answer. No matter how many times we reach this point it can go no further. 'That's what I thought you might say.' I can feel my heart breaking again and I slowly release my hold on his hand.

'Why would this be a joke?'

'Everyone in this kingdom has tried to pursue me but you. Am I not enough for you?'

'We've discussed where we stand with each other.'

'And that's all that you want?'

'Is that not what you want?'

What I want? I want you. My heart starts racing again and I know that it's now or never. I press my lips against his for a quick moment and he does not respond. 'I won't bother you again with this.' My eyes never meet his - I don't know that I could handle further rejection. I leave him behind without looking back, imagining the disgusted look on his face after having thrown myself at his feet.

Everyone's eyes follow me as I walk through the palace heading towards my room. They want to ask me why my clothes are wet and I can tell feel the glares of certain women as they gossip over my whereabouts. They seem to think I have many lovers and spend my days in the arms of strange men moving from one affair to the next. Normally their words don't affect me, but after this last rejection it's almost more than I can bear. I walk the rest of the way to my chambers and slam the door. By now I am shivering from having been in my wet dress for so long that I peel it off quickly, leaving it lying on my floor. My arms wrap around my body and I feel self-conscious for my actions and sad for his rejection. I can't face him again.

It seems that every corner I turn he is standing on the other side. I dodge into hallways and rooms trying to remain unseen. With each passing moment I keep expecting someone to say something, for those words of ridicule to arrive – but they never come. Everyone should know by now what I've done, so why aren't they talking about it? Is it possible that no one knows? Is he sparing me from further humiliation? He's going to act the gentleman isn't he? Well damn him. How can I hate him when he won't give me a reason? I peak around the corner and he is deep in conversation with one of his men. I'm curious, but not enough to reveal myself. Not yet. When he's done I follow him, watching his every move. He leaves the palace and wanders off towards the woods. Maybe I should approach him now that he's alone. But first things first.

The only sound I can hear is my heart beating. It is almost deafening as it pounds in my ears. Will he be able to hear it too? How could he not? Just breathe. Oh, stupid twig! He turns with his hand on his sword. I should have been paying attention to where I was walking. Breathe. Just breathe.

'What are you doing out here in the woods?' His voice seems harsh. Was I wrong to follow?

'Looking for you.'

He stands close to me and my heart starts to beat faster still. 'What is it that you need?'

'I wanted to return your cloak.' I offer the material to him like a sacrifice, using it as an excuse to look away.

'You came all the way out here for this? A servant could have delivered it.'

'I will leave you then if you wish to be alone.'

'I don't wish to be alone.'

Just breathe. I close the distance between us. Does he want me here with him?

'Why did you kiss me yesterday?'

He didn't like it. 'I did not mean to offend you.'

'You didn't. I just want to know what your purpose was.'

'I needed to know.' I still need to know.

'What did you need to know that you couldn't ask me?'

'Sometimes words are not so easy to come by.'

'Surely you're not afraid of me.'

'No, of course not. I wanted to know if you felt anything for me is all. But when you did not return my kiss I assumed that you did not.' He's staring at me. Why isn't he speaking? He's going to reject me again.

I'm dreaming. His lips are on mine and I waste no time in throwing myself into his arms. I've been waiting for this moment for so long. I pull him closer and moan into him as his hands move over my body. I want to touch him, to feel his skin against my own. I pull at the last button of his jacket and push the sleeves from his shoulders, running my hands over his chest. My dress slowly slides over my arms, but I don't care. I want to feel his body against mine, his hands in my hair. Each stroke of his hand pushes me to the edge and I need to have him. He lifts me into his arms and I suppress a giggle as I begin to realize the effect I am having on him as he hungrily kisses my neck. Only one thing separates our bodies and with it discarded he lies me down on the ground, his body hovering over mine. I won't let him hesitate, no second guesses, I've wanted this for too long. My hands pull his body to mine and I put my mouth to his neck, tugging at the skin with my teeth. I gasp as I feel him in me and it is pure ecstasy.

I pull his body firmly against mine wanting to be as close as I can. Our movements are forceful and passionate and I can feel myself losing control. It's too soon, I want this to continue. With a strength I didn't know I possessed I managed to roll us over so that I was on top, slowing our pace. His eyes met mine and his desire is all too apparent. I can tell my slow movements are teasing to his senses and I'm enjoying the power I hold over him. When I am ready I move faster and smile in admiration as his muscles tense in response. His abs contract with each thrust and I can't help but to run my hands over them, relishing in the feel against my palms. It's his turn now to pull me towards him for another kiss and I can't resist those soft lips. A squeal escapes my lips as I am rolled back over, replaced by moans of pleasure as my body responds to each of his movements. I can no longer keep up with his thrusts and I can feel an explosion inside as I climax, his name rolling off my lips. With a final thrust I can feel his release and his body falls against mine. It's a comforting weight as his chest presses against my chest and I wish we could stay like this as he begins to whisper words in my ear. I kiss him for his kindness and our eyes meet again – this time there is something different behind his eyes. There are emotions that he had never let me see before that he now lays out for me to savor.

He lifts himself away from me and hands me my dress. For a moment I wonder if this was just a onetime moment of weakness for him. Will there be no more caresses and intimate moments together I think to myself, slowly putting my dress back on as he redress himself as well. As I stand he pulls me into his arms and runs his fingers through my hair, removing some leaves that have become ensnared. His eyes soften and he kisses me again.

'Tell me, will we meet like this again?' My voice is barely above a whisper.

'Why have you chosen me?'

I can't help but to laugh at the innocence of his question and the earnestness in his eyes. I laugh at myself for my own insecurities. Most of all, I laugh because I know this affair has only just begun.


End file.
